Thursday, March 15, 2012

What Women Fear

Last year, I pre-ordered the book What Women Fear by Angie Smith. I read a couple of chapters and then life got in the way and I just didn’t have time to finish it. I had some free time a week or so ago and decided to start over and read it from the beginning. I just finished it today and I’m so glad I put aside some time to read it!

I’ve always been somewhat of a “worry wart”. My worrying and nervousness would make me get physically sick at times. It’s an awful feeling! When Brad and I got married, it seemed to get even worse. He couldn’t even drive a mile down the street to the gas station without me calling him to make sure he was ok and wearing his seat belt. I would get these awful images in my head of things that “could” happen.

I would also fear being around certain groups of people. I was very much a people pleaser and the thought of not living up to their expectations would make me physically ill. Brad finally stepped in and told me it would be a good idea to get some help. I ended up being put on some anxiety medicine and it seemed to work for a while. Then, I got pregnant. I didn’t want to be on ANY kind of medication while I was pregnant even though the doctor said it was safe – I just didn’t want to chance it. My anxiety seemed to subside while I was pregnant and I’m not exactly sure why….maybe the excitement of having a baby took over me!?

I really think everything changed for me when Addi was sick. I had to put her God’s hands b/c I couldn’t do anything to help her (as much as I wanted to!). I knew from the bottom of my heart that God could heal her. At times, it was impossible for me not to doubt if she was going to be ok b/c of all the test results and our talks with her doctors. But, our God is SO much bigger than that!!! Two years later and she is NOT blind, she IS right on track developmentally and she has NO signs of any problems!

I think God used this situation to really help me with my anxiety. I’m not going to say I don’t have my moments, but how can I fear or worry when I have seen with my own eyes what God can do?

Before reading this book, I would never even think of telling anyone these things about myself. I mean how embarrassing that I was letting my thoughts and fictitious situations I created in my mind control me so much that I needed medication? I’m pretty sure every fear Angie brings up in her book, I have experienced. I just assumed that I was the ONLY person to feel these things. It turns out all women have some type of fear. Some are more extreme than others, but they are still fears nonetheless.

I have learned a lot from this book, but one of the main things I took from it is that we can let our fears control us so much that we will miss out of the life that God has planned for us. He DOES care about us and wants us to succeed. The only thing we should fear is the Lord.

“The more I fear God, the less I fear everything else” – Angie Smith, What Women Fear

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